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The Other Boleyn Girl [Aug. 29th, 2009|06:24 pm]
[Current Mood |hyperalive and kicking]

Sorry for the long radio silence, but we're finally back with another sporking! We know we announced "Ben Hur", but somehow we couldn't find the time to do a +3 hours epic, so it's Justin Chadwick's The Other Boleyn Girl instead since Tudor history is all the rage these days.

A few technical remarks before we start: We let this journal's paid account lapse a while ago, which means we can't do icons for the new sporkings any more, and we also won't be able to friend back people who friend us because we've exceeded the friending limit for free accounts. You needn't worry that you'll miss anything, though, since we never lock our sporkings. ETA: Never mind - yes, we can, thanks to lied_ohne_worte and pauamma! ♥

We've also decided to no longer announce in advance which movie we're going to do next. We are planning to keep sporking (hopefully with no more lengthy pauses), so please keep the suggestions coming!

Thank you all for not abandoning us during the long hiatus – we hope today's sporking was worth the wait ;-) And now, on with the show!

Disclaimer: We're aware that this movie is based on a novel by Philippa Gregory, but since neither of us is masochistic enough to touch any of her works ever again, this sporking is exclusively about the movie version; we won't take into account whether the movie is true to the book or how much history rape the book itself contains.

Two girls, one kingCollapse )
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Elizabeth - The Golden Age [Feb. 26th, 2008|10:26 pm]
[Current Mood |bitchybitchy]

Okay, so we've really, really been looking forward to doing this one. The first movie was spork-worthingly bad already, but we guess that Shekan Kapur's Elizabeth – The Golden Age will remain unsurpassed, headdesking- and teeth-grinding-wise. For a while, at least.

As always, bring your own spork to it!

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!Collapse )

Next time, we'll go back in time a bit, both in movie history and in the historical period the movie deals with William Wyler's Ben Hur.
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The Last Legion [Jan. 1st, 2008|02:20 pm]
[Current Mood |awakeawake]

Happy New Year, everybody! We're back with the sporking of Doug Lefler's The Last Legion. No grinding of teeth here, just a lot of giggling and a bit of headdesking :)

Once upon a time in BritanniaCollapse )

Since we already sporked the original "Elizabeth" movie a while ago, of course we won't spare the sequel either – Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth – The Golden Age is next on our to-do list!
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300 [Oct. 6th, 2007|10:01 pm]
[Current Mood |nauseatednauseated]

Sorry it took us so long to update, but Zach Snyder's 300 has been sitting like a block in our path, which already tells you everything you need to know about our opinion of this movie.

Disclaimer: Yes, we know the movie is based on a comic book. No, this doesn't excuse anything. You want fantasy, you create fantasy. "Lord of the Rings" is forever safe from historical sporking. Anything that uses real names, events etc. meddles with history and is therefore game.

Don"t blame the Spartans, passerby…Collapse )

Okay, for our next sporking we want something really funny without any need for gnashing of teeth, therefore we'll spork a movie that recently sent us into fits of giggles at the movie theatre: Doug Lefler's The Last Legion.
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The Adventures of Robin Hood [Jun. 26th, 2007|10:27 pm]
[Current Mood |gigglygiggly]

Today's sporking session is pure fun, with lots of hairstyling issues - because we all went nostalgic over William Keighley's and Michael Curtiz' Adventures of Robin Hood, featuring Errol "The Perm" Flynn and Olivia "Miss Tinfoil" de Havilland! Come join us for a bit of swashbuckling spork! :)

A Perm For All SeasonsCollapse )

Next time, it's going to be *brace themselves* Zack Snyder's 300, subject to the condition that the movie's released on DVD over here already! Otherwise... we're sure we'll find a replacement ;D
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Tristan + Isolde [Mar. 25th, 2007|09:01 pm]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

Sorry for the long delay – but we're back at last to take a stab at Kevin Reynold's Tristan + Isolde, winner of this decade's Pointless Anachronism Award. As always, bring your own spork and join in!

Kiss me, I"m Irish!Collapse )

As to our plans for future sporkings, we see the number 300 looming on the horizon... but until this one comes out on DVD and forces us to grind out teeth into powder, we're determined to have as much fun as we can. Therefore, up next is the mother of all swashbuckling flicks, Michael Curtiz' and William Keighley's Adventures of Robin Hood. Yes, the one with Errol Flynn!
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The Man in the Iron Mask [Dec. 31st, 2006|02:13 pm]
[Current Mood |rushedrushed]

This year's last spork features Randall Wallace's Man in the Iron Mask. Since this is History Spork, not Literature Spork, we haven't paid that much attention to the raping of Dumas' novel (as much as there's left of it in this movie) – there was enough other stuff to keep us busy...

A Brother, a Captain, a KingCollapse )

Next time, it'll be Kevin Reynold's Tristan & Isolde.

In the meantime, a Happy New Year to all our readers!
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Anastasia [Oct. 14th, 2006|12:48 pm]
[Current Mood |anxiousHuh??]

Today, it's our first attempt at sporking an animated movie, Don Blyth's and Gary Goldman's Anastasia. Brace yourself...

Ra – Ra – Rasputin...Collapse )

Okay, we need to make up for the trauma we suffered here, so the next one will definitely be fun to spork: it will be Randall Wallace's Man in the Iron Mask!
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Titanic [Aug. 1st, 2006|11:38 pm]
[Current Mood |cynicalcynical]

As many of you requested, today's victim is James Cameron's Titanic, blockbuster of the decade and tear-jerker extraordinaire!

To be perfectly honest, we were a bit sceptical about this movie's historical sporking potential because the makers did quite a thorough job with the facts, and we're not that interested in pointing out that they might have used the wrong kind of screws for set 573 (which we would have had to look up anyway ;) But holy cow, the social issues! It quickly turned out there was more than enough material after all...

Besides, we don't think we've ever abused so many different movie quotes in a sporking before – bonus points to anyone who spots them all!

But why is the diamond gone?Collapse )

To make up for all the history we didn't get to spork here, next up is the 1997 cartoon version of Anastasia.
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First Knight [Jun. 15th, 2006|06:43 pm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

Today's sporking victim is another movie that suffers from the "what is this girl, blind?" syndrome – Jerry Zucker's First Knight. As always, bring your own spork and join in, there's definitely enough for everyone in this movie ;)

I"m too sexy for my armour.Collapse )

As the clear winner of our poll, the next sporking victim will be James Cameron's Titanic.
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